Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Dylans birthday mom freak out #autism

   Since Dylan was born year after year I find myself in this constant struggle with holidays that are supposed to be special for my kids together as a family. This year on his birthday its no different. Coming up soon, august 23rd its too close and I'm freaking out.
   What do I buy him as a gift? Now a lot of people would say, "your his mother, you should know him best." To be honest though I'm still very much trying to figure him out, and may never. He changes so quickly what he like or dislikes. Hes still not eating or liking big crowds, so throwing a party for friends and family would just make him stressed out. Who on their birthday wants to be stressed out. I really am not the type to force him into anything if he seems to be in a lot of distress. So here I am, less than a week away from the date, still trying to figure out what might be a good gift and how to celebrate with him in a non stressful way.
   I had thought about taking him to a bounce house place in owosso called kazoos. But on the other hand if there is too many people there he wont enjoy it at all and want to leave right away. Its not like I'm not willing to give it a try, just that I want the whole day to be enjoyable for him.
   I've spent hours upon hours searching amazon for the best toy as gift for him. Coming up to a dead end every time. Hes still into his jumping around all day long and could definitely use another trampoline, but that's kinda an expensive buy and I really don't have the money for it.  I texts his dad (we are separated now) and asked him because its his week that week (with the kids at his house) if he was doing anything with Dylan and if he was could I possibly come to it. Money is tight for him as well, so his plans were to do nothing. While for his dad that might be OK, to me its not and if hes not doing anything I still want to because I don't like to dismiss his birthday just because he doesn't have understanding right now of whats going on. I hope that someday he might and that there will be photos and stuff to remind him that he is anything but less to us.

   Even if its just finding a park that isn't busy and letting him explore it for the day.  No judgment on him, him just being himself thats what we will do. Turning 5 is a big deal, at least I think so, and doing something special whatever it might be is certainly a must. He likes water, its going to be hot maybe I'll take him to cole park in chesaning and let him go by the river. He likes kiddie pools and sprinklers. Idk I'm just rambling here but that's OK. Trying to figure out my a-typical children is hard but this is proving to be my life's obstacle course. Not that its a bad thing at all, just sometimes I wish I could read my boys mind and give him what he wants rather than everything he needs all the time. I got what he needs day in and day out,  routines, everything I got him.  But I would give anything to know what he wants.

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